TAKE ME OUT TO THE BALL GAME

What do you do with 18 people?  Besides eat.  Well, on Saturday we broke into two groups.  The group going to the baseball game, and the group not going to the baseball game.  The Detroit Tigers would be playing the Los Angeles Angels downtown at Comerica Park.  Eleven of us decided to go for the 4:00pm game, and the others were going to go to Green Field Village.  I wasn’t bonkers on watching a baseball game in 90 degree heat, but I really wanted a Ballpark hot dog.  Plus, I go to Green Field Village all the time, so a change of scenery would do me good.  Especially with this group of people.

Max is a big baseball fan and this would be his first official major league baseball game.  He said he didn’t really like the Tigers and asked me who my favorite player was.  I said I didn’t really know them and didn’t really like sports.  He responded with, “oh yeah, you’re one of those creative types… at least that’s what my mom says.”  That’s right Max.  I’m one of those creative types.  Then I told him we were going to downtown Detroit and he better pretend to be a Tigers fan.  He agreed.

We needed to take three vehicles to get all eleven of us to the game.  Nobody had a six-seater.  And since I worked downtown Detroit for seven years, I was elected to lead the pack of cars towards the stadium.  I also got stuck driving the kids.  Actually I volunteered.  Matthew called shotgun and won privileges to control the iPod on the way there.  I was surprised when he picked AC/DC’s Back in Black as the first song to play.  Nice choice.  But as we got to downtown, Eminem came on.  It was inevitable.  I think they were getting a real Detroit experience driving through downtown Detroit on the way to see a Tigers game while jamming to Eminem.  Welcome to the “D”.

Luckily our seats were not facing into the sun.  Because it was HOT.  So hot that the creepy guys sitting in front of us were pounding $4 lemon ices two at a time.  They must have had five each.  I didn’t want a lemon ice, I wanted a hot dog.  A Ballpark hot dog, with only mustard.  I don’t care for mustard on my hot dogs except on a hot dog at the stadium.  It’s the only way to eat it.  I explained this to Max.  He was reluctant, but he went for it and was glad he did.  Same for Matthew.  I felt accomplished.

To be honest, the game was kind of boring.  Nothing exciting was happening.  So I fantasized about what song I would have play when I went up to bat if I were a ball player.  I think I’d pick AC/DC’s Hells Bells.  I’d be a power hitter and knock it out of the park.  That seemed like an appropriate song for a power hitter.  And then I took my brother’s iPhone and started taking pictures.  Mostly of myself making funny faces.  I really wanted another hot dog, but we were having a cook out back at the house after the game.  Choices.

Just when the game couldn’t get any less exciting, someone ran out onto the field and appeared to plank.  He laid face down on the ground and didn’t move until security picked him up.  And then in the ninth inning another guy just ran out onto the field.  Cool!  The final score was… um, I wasn’t paying attention, but Detroit lost.  I think some of those batters need better songs, then maybe they’d hit better.  Just sayin’.

For the ride home, Max got to control the iPod.  And the first song he picked was Piece of Me by Britney Spears.  That’s what I like about Max.  He doesn’t seem to care what people think.  I may or may not have intentionally turned on some Britney before too.  Shhh.  Turn it up.

In the car, they kept begging me to take them coning.  Yeah, I know, what?  Coning?  I guess it’s the new thing after planking.  You go through a drive-thru and order an ice cream cone, then you do something stupid with it, smash it, lick it, drop it, stare at it, anything.  Yeah, I don’t get it either.  But they wanted to go really bad.  They were saying, “Come on, take us, you’re the cool one!”  Their pleading didn’t work.  You can work the iPod though.  And they did.

As our journey continued, Sir-Mix-A-Lot’s Baby Got Back came on, and the whole car started singing along.  “I like big butts and I can not lie…”  Picture a car full of kids rapping along to Baby Got Back.  Yeah, I am the cool one.  I may or may not have rapped along with them.

I may not have taken you coning, but do I get extra points for being the creative type?

 *All baseball stadium photos were taken by my dad.