THE BUNNEE BUMP: WEEK 16

Dear baby,

I can see that you’re making yourself more and more comfortable in mama’s belly because you’re making it rounder and bigger!  I like looking down and seeing you.   I felt you flutter around a couple weeks ago, but haven’t felt you dance since.  But you’re mama and papa’s baby so I know you’re dancing in there!  I hope you like dancing in mama’s belly, and I hope you’re cozy.

xoxo, Mama

This week we were able to share the news of our pregnancy with more than our close group of friends and family, and if felt so good!  The well wishes and love we received made us feel all warm and fuzzy, and tripled our joy and excitement.

I know it sounds silly, but having to keep the pregnancy a “secret” and not being able to openly share the joy and excitement made it feel almost fake.  Sure, I peed on some sticks that said I was pregnant.  But I was barely showing, and although I felt nauseous at times, other than that, there was no other indication that screamed I AM PREGNANT!  We haven’t had an ultra sound yet, and at our last prenatal appointment we weren’t able to hear the heartbeat either.  I would drive Matt nuts because I would just blurt out “What if I’m not really pregnant and I’m making it up?  You hear about those stories!”  Grumble, grumble…

“AYA, you are pregnant!” he would yell back.

So being able to share the news made it all the more real.

It’s been a little more difficult to connect with this pregnancy than with Ellie’s too.  When I was pregnant with Ellie, everything was new so each little milestone felt magnified.  But this time around with a toddler who keeps us busy and distracted, sometimes I would even forget that I’m pregnant.  I would even wish that my belly would get bigger quick just so I had a “visual aid” of my pregnancy!

But I also know that emotionally, I am in a completely different place than I was with Ellie’s pregnancy.  The biggest difference between this pregnancy and with Ellie is the absence of fear.  I am not scared at all.  I was terrified of the unknown when I was pregnant with Ellie. But since experiencing her birth, that fear has been replaced with confidence in my body, and trust in The Process.  So although the absence of fear has been welcoming, the calmness that I am feeling cheats me into forgetting about the pregnancy entirely at times.

I am excited though.  I am excited and happy to be pregnant, I look forward to experiencing the changes my body is going to go through, I am excited to have this pregnancy bring Matt and I even closer, and most of all, I’m ecstatic to be able to share this experience with Ellie in my life.

This series is inspired by a few of Aya’s favorite blogs; Pacing the Panic Room and Bleubird.