HANGER PAINS

My little Chloe is so mellow, easy going, and always has a smile. Even when I have to wake her up out of a dead sleep she smiles and then gets right up. “GOOD MORNING!” Ellie? No way. She’d make a terrible sleeping beauty. Prince Charming would be in for a big surprise if he tried to wake her up. Not Chloe though. She’s easy peasy as they say. Why just the other day I saw her gazing out the window smiling and quietly singing to herself, “laaaa, laaa, laaa, laaa (giggle giggle).”

But don’t let that gentle smile and adorable face fool you, because when she’s hungry, watch out!

You know the term “hangry.” When you are so hungry you become angry and frustrated. That’s exactly how Chloe is.

When Chloe wakes up in the morning she’s always all smiles. But as I brush my teeth and start getting ready for the day the beast within her starts to awaken. She stands by my feet begging. “Ugh ugh uuugh!”

It just sounds like some whiney grunts but this is her warning and she’s really saying, “You better feed me soon, because you won’t like me when I am HANGRY!”

I usually fluff off her warning while I wrestle Ellie to brush her teeth and get her dressed for the day. But little do I know I’m just adding fuel to the fire. She just follows me around begging and tugging on my clothes chanting, “Feed me! Feed me! FEED ME!”

And when we finally make it to the kitchen around 7:30am, I notice it’s too late. Her eyes have turned red and then she’s in full blown Godzilla mode. “AAARGGGH,” she screeches while breathing fire at me and throwing the kitchen stool across the room.

Oh no! I’ve been a fool and waited too long. If I can just get to the cabinet to get some crackers to hold her over I might be able to make breakfast, I think. I know I have to handle this mission solo because Ellie is no help. She’s hiding in the other room away from her hangry sister. But that doesn’t stop her from making her requests. “Daddy, I want eggs AND toast. No, wait. I want bread, not toast. With butter. Okay? Bread not toast… Do you hear me?… Daddy?”

While Ellie dictates her breakfast order to me, I huddle in the kitchen corner trying not to get hurt. Either she’s oblivious to me being attacked by a fire breathing toddler or she just doesn’t care (she’s four, so she probably just doesn’t care).

I’m able to army crawl over to the cabinet and throw a handful of Cheerios on the floor and Chloe jumps on them like a ravenous dog eating a steak. This buys me time to frantically open the fridge and grab some eggs. While I scramble the eggs and heat the pan I know my time is limited because when she is hangry a handful of Cheerios is just a tease.

Luckily it’s just enough time to get it all together and when she turns around again in a hangry rage, I’m able to swoop her up and get her in the high chair with minimal injuries to myself. Soon her shrieks and cries go silent as she devours the eggs in what seems like a few seconds. As I carefully slide a bowl of cantaloupe in front of her, her tears begin to dry and a smile reappears on her face and she starts bouncing. And just like that she went from “hangry,” to “dancin’good” in just a few seconds.

I have no doubt she gets this from her mother who acts in a very similar matter when she gets hungry.

While my fear turns to morning smiles I hear Ellie barking from the other room, “Eggs! Bread! Daddy I’m hungry!”

Uh oh, I better get cooking.

*Disclaimer: This is a dramatization. My child doesn’t actually breathe fire and I don’t really make her eat Cheerios off the floor.