THE BUNNEE BUMP: WEEK 21

Dear Bunnee,

You are making your presence known more and more each day, and are the length of a carrot now!  Every time mama eats a big meal, I don’t think you like how all the food crowds your space inside mama’s belly and you’ve been pushing it all up into my ribcage.  Occasionally, mama would push myself a little too hard and feel really tired afterwards.  You remind me that growing you is hard work, and we have to work together and pace ourselves.  We’vebeen a pretty good team so far.

xoxo Mama

Dear Ellie,

With it being spring and the weather getting nicer and nicer lately, we’ve been playing outside together a lot.  I know you love it when I chase you, or “fall down,” but it’s been starting to get a little uncomfortable for mama to do that sometimes and it makes me a little sad.  I know you don’t really understand yet what it really means seeing mama’s belly get bigger, or who “Bunnee” really is.  And that’s okay.  Because you know what?  We are going to learn together.  I know the family dynamic might change, and you might not like it.  You might feel angry, or sad and left out.  I understand.  Mama doesn’t have a brother or sister, so I never had to “share” my space within the family.  So this is going to be just as new of an experience for me, as it is for you too.  Mama and Papa are going to make sure welcoming Bunnee is going to be an extra special experience for you too, as it is going to be for us.  I always admired the bond sisters share, but never really knew what that was like.  I know that you and Bunnee will form a relationship that is unique to the two of you, and although I understand that sometimes you might get angry and upset with each other, I hope that at the end of the day you’ll remember that you two have an unbreakable bond and are connected with lots and lots of love.

You are the one that made me a mama first.  You are the one who taught me what it means to be a mama.  You are the one that stretched my heart to capacities I never knew I could go to.  There are a lot of times I feel scared or unsure whether I’m doing the right thing or not, or if I’m doing it right, but I always try to remember to do what feels right in my heart.  The way you can melt my heart with just a look, a smile, or a laugh, makes me wonder that I must be doing something right.  Just as much as I try to give you my love, patience, and compassion, you teach me the same too.  I know that as you grow older, there are going to be plenty of times where you are going to feel angry at me.  And that’s okay.  You are entitled to whatever feelings you have.  I just hope that you remember that no matter what, mama loves you.  With all my heart.

You are one charismatic, sweet little girl, Ellie.  You have a smile that can light up a room, a burst of energy that is contagious, so much happiness and joy in you that seeps out of your pores, and love that can literally be touched.  You are smart, intelligent, and know how to stand your ground, but also very patient too.  You are extremely friendly and love people, and revel in a crowd with good energy.  At 2 years and 3 months old, what are you into now?  Well, you love your Elmo, your “baby,” “teddy,” and reading books, drawing, and playing kitchen.  Time stops when you hear a “choo choo” horn, squeal at the sight of a “cool bus,”(school bus) and can spot an “air-pane” in the sky like a robin spots a worm.  You can sing the whole alphabet song and love to count, but like to skip four through eight.  “One, tu, swee, nine, ten!” you say excitedly.  You just have a way of making people smile and fall in love with you…you are so special.

Sometimes, my heart breaks when I look at you and realize that Mama and Papa are your world.  It’s an extremely humbling and vulnerable feeling, knowing that it’s not about me anymore.  Mama and papa need to make sure we take care of ourselves too, so we can always be there for you, no matter what.  You gave us the biggest responsibility anybody could ever have…teaching you right from wrong, and helping you grow your heart, mind and soul.  Thank you for that honor, and choosing us to learn along with you.

Today on this mother’s day, I’ve never felt prouder and more grateful to be your mama.  Thank you for pushing me every day to be a better person, reminding me and teaching me to appreciate the little things, and creating so many intentional moments to enjoy.  I love you!