THE RETURN OF BRUCE

It’s funny how things happen sometimes. You think you have things under control. You think you’ve thought of every angle and that you are in the clear, or at least on the right path. But then out of nowhere, the unexpected happens. What am I talking about specifically? I spent a good two weeks working on Ellie’s sleep schedule with as much focus as if I was trying to figure out string theory. And just as things were starting to smooth out and go well, someone slapped me awake in the middle of the night and laughed. But who, you ask? None other than, Bruce the Molar King. I hate that guy.

So we meet again. I had an altercation with Bruce last year. I had thought my run-ins with the Reverse Tooth Fairy were over, but she sent in her older brother to do her dirty work. I didn’t think things could get any worse but along came Bruce and his unconventional tactics. Hadn’t Ellie (and me) been through enough? But that was a year ago and for sure my run-ins with the RFT and Bruce were a distant memory now, right? I guess not.

Recently, someone told me about something called, “the two year molars.” What!? They aren’t done with that yet? I just assumed the worst was over. And if there was more teething they would be tough enough to handle it. But when faced with the possibility of two year molars, some things started to make sense.

It was about 2am when Ellie started crying. She’s been waking up in the middle of the night for awhile now, but this was different. This was a deep deep cry that made you concerned. Did she fall out of bed? Was her room haunted?

When I rushed into her room, she hugged me and wouldn’t let go. It was less of a hug and more like a holding on for dear life. Maybe her room was haunted, I thought as I looked in the dark corners of her room as if to see something. Did I just see something behind the teddy bears? Naw, couldn’t be.

Going against all the work I had done the previous two weeks, I invited her into our bed to sleep the rest of the night. It just didn’t seem like a normal middle of the night wake up for her, so I was feeling sympathetic. She usually never accepts the offer anyway, but I thought it’d be nice to offer. But to my surprise, she did. Whoa, there was definitely something going on.

It wasn’t until naptime the next day when she was gnawing on her hands and not wanting to go take a nap did it occur to me that she was teething again. OOOhhhhh. That was Bruce hiding behind the teddy bears last night! No wonder she wanted out of her room.

While Bruce is known for causing agonizing pain, I think he brought some less malicious friends to work the day shift. Bruno and Rocco are kind of clumsy, lazy, and are easily distracted while they work. “Molars, gotta put the molars in… Oh look. Yo Gabba Gabba? What’s that?” They make Ellie a little slap happy and hyper crazy so it’s hard to tell what’s going on. Is she tired, or is this the work of Bruce’s goons?

So far Bruce himself has only showed up once, but his hooligan workers seem like they are lingering. They must be on their way out soon though. They have to be. Does it really take that long to work on the two year molars?

One thing’s for sure though. Once these molars are in, I sure hope the next tooth fairy I see is carrying cash.